Meandering thoughts………..


September 2014


Kiss me

as gentle as the dew

Hold me 

as tight as the tangled vineshugs

of an ancient tree

Tuck my hair

as gentle as the kiss of the breeze

Listen to me

as quietly as

the silence of the night

Fly away from me

as often as the bird

but come back to me

as often as the waves….






Yearn to hear the haunting melodies

that are never played

yearn to dance the waltz

couldn’t find the feet nor the beatloneliness

yearn to feel the first drop of rain

the clouds are bare

yearn for laughter

where silence is louder

yearn for the companionship

where loneliness reigns

yearn for spring

while autumn rules eternally

yearn to be near

where an abyss separates us…..





Many of us have wonderful memories that we cherish in our hearts. We hoard them like a miser and when the going gets tough the memories pop into your head and bring a smile to your face.

I am sure everyone is aware of the Chris- ma and Chris pa game that is played on the eve of Christmas. The college, where I did my post graduation followed this tradition and the year I joined it was soon time to celebrate Christmas.lollipo So our department decided to celebrate Christmas starting with the game. The names of the juniors and seniors were written on small slips of papers and dropped into a  box and it included the name of the professors too. All of us had to pick up one slip, and the person whose name slip you had drawn will become your Chris child and you become their Chris ma or Chris pa. You had to keep your identity hidden from your Chris child and pass them notes or gifts till the day we had the Christmas celebrations. Then once the celebrations were over, was the time for grand revealing to the Chris children who their Chris ma or Chris pa were.

Now the person’s name that I picked out was that of a senior who had made me feel very welcome when I stepped into the department. Over those few moths from the time that I joined the department and the time when we started the game, we had become good friends and to my delight I discovered that he was a person with science background but was very much interested in literature which was my favourite too.

To say that I was thrilled to the core was an understatement. I could envisage the both of us sending back and forth letters and gifts that had literary import. I even remember my first letter to him that I sent to him, (sent to him anonymously of course) it was quite lyrical. I was eagerly waiting for a reply from him, and when I got one I opened it eagerly, to find childish scribblings…………. of the alphabets !!!!!!!! . He was stating indirectly that he was my CHILD!!!! Grrr………

I took up the challenge and what followed in the course of the next two weeks right till the Christmas celebrations was a challenge, a challenge between the both of us to see who could out do the other person in sending silly gifts or notes. We had the time of our lives and managed to entertain most of our friends as well.

I sent him a lollipop once and was eagerly awaiting for a note…the note did come and it said,”Ma the lollipop made me hop like this…..” and when I opened the lollipop wrapper that he had sent back to me,out hoped a baby  frog. There were around four or five of us who were eager to see what he had sent and all of us jumped in fright. Well the incident spread like fire through out our department . To tell the truth till the day of the Christmas celebrations we sent each other crazy notes and gifts like that.

On the day of the big revealing, he gifted me a beautifully hand-made doll made from wool, he had requested his real mom to crochet it for his Chris ma.



Cratered cheeks

through hopeless pit

the eye peeks,hunger

on a bony frame

tattered rags try to fit,

eyes cast down with shame

hands extended for a tip,

thirst of survival

precedes the childhood games,

as the signal changes, I drive

while my children squabble over dinner

Pizza or Burger………..



Thank you mom

for letting me fallthank you mom

when I started to walk

I can run now

Thank you

for letting me scribble on the wall

I can write stories now

Thank you

for letting me make a mess in the kitchen

I can cook for fifty people now

thank you

for letting me make mistakes

I can make right choices now

Thank you mom

for not cocooning me

but you stood behind me

I can live my life now.








It’s not the title of Jackie Chan’s block buster movie….

I have beewho am In reading Robin Sharma’s The Secret Letters of the Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. Jonathan, the protagonist has to do a series of tasks, going around the world collecting Talismans. I am not going to summarise the book here. One of the questions that arises is “Who Am I?”

It got me thinking….. and I have been thinking about this a lot, trust me.

I have been trying to answer that question.

Am I a mother, a wife , a daughter, a sister, a daughter in law, a sister-in-law, a friend …..

The list is endless….the roles that I perform in my life is numerous and keeps me occupies majority of the 24 hours.

When am I Kavini ? As Kavini what is my role ? How am I related to the universe. Some one once told me you are what you think you are. Your mind makes you what you are….

Lord Krishna says in Bhagavath Geeta that do your duty without expecting any results. I am doing my duty as a mom, wife, daughter, daughter in law so on and so forth…..

Still the question on Who am I eludes me. As Kavini who am I?  I am all of the roles that I had listed above , but is that all I am?

How am in relationship to everything that is existing around me, the pure form of energy? Do I realise that energy within me? Have I harvested that energy? Will I be able to sync with the other energy forms around me?

Is there a moment in my mind is blank just an awareness of everything that is around me? the stillness of the breeze, the aroma of , where one feels oneness with everything that is around ? I search my soul and still have not found the answer.

Who am I?




In the pursuit of perfection

endeavouring to be worthy of other’s praiseregret

the sole aim others’s satisfaction

in every occasion that arise

missed opportunities I regret

muskiness of spring rain

lingering flavour of sinful chocolate

haunting melodies of mournful ballad

marvel of ocean that glitters

sensuous touch of lover that ignites passion

lost in the multitude of roles

miserable soul let me console

as you carry the burden of the cross

Named regret……….






chocolateYour  aroma tickled my nostrils

want to have you till my heart fills

warmth unfurled  from my belly

making my insides dissolve like jelly

want to caress your rich texture

my heart erupted in a rhapsody in rapture 

I don’t want to share you my heart’s desire

I yearn to hoard you like a miser

with a lover’s touch I unveil you

my rich delicious scrumptious creamy chocolate cake….




My heart yearns

to listensolitude

to the music of still water

to dance

to the tunes of the wind that does not stir

to converse

with me where even two is a crowd

oh solitude where art you?



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