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MUSINGS

Meandering thoughts………..

Difference of Opinion…..

While I need you to partner me

you want nothing but to dominate

While I seek pleasure in pain

You believe pain is pleasure

While I yearn to walk with you

you want to walk ahead

While I believe in togetherness

you believe in being on your own

while I believe in everything

you believe in nothing….

Kavini

My Weight Loss Saga

This is my saga to reduce my weight.

I can see the gears turning in many minds……not another weight loss tamasha….not another self proclaimed weight loss guru…

Sorry to disappoint you buddies. Nothing like that is going to be narrated here. It’s my weight loss saga and the reaction of people around me to it.

A year back almost for a whole week I was feeling dizzy and felt like throwing up anything and everything. Nah.. I was not pregnant(no possibilities of it at all) so there..

After going through a battery of test I was diagnosed with a disc bulge(I seriously don’t know how I manage to land in such trouble) and during the course of the treatment my physio said the magic word, “Boss you need to shell out at least 10 kilos”, and suggested that I started to walk for an hour ūüė¶¬†

I had always lamented about my weight for years. I shot up from a demure 53 during marriage to 70 + after my daughter was born. After the delivery of my son it was around 69….

Well I was reducing weight in a slower pace¬†.At that time I met a cousin, who is also a very good friend of mine, after a couple of months and was amazed at her transformation. She was looking drop dead gorgeous, she would have easily reduced more than 15 kilos. Man, saying that I was impressed was an understatement. Armed with her dietician’s number I began to hound my better half. Did he give in to just stop my nagging ūüôā could¬†be.¬†

Well after the required blood tests she put me on a diet, but to tell you the truth I have never eaten like how I ate during those two months while I was dieting. I started at 6 in the morning and kept eating every two hours till 9 in the night. On top of it I did one hour of walking and 45 mts of yoga. Phew!!!!!!!!!!!

Now we come to the crux of the story……the reaction of people around

  1. Genuinely Concerned:¬† Theses are the people who were genuinely concerned that I should not starve myself. When I explained my diet pattern, they were like, “Whoa !!!who said you are dieting?”
  2. Know it all: These were the know it all. I am sure all of you must have come across such people. Without even bothering to find out what am I doing, why I am doing it, they just declared ,”Unnecessarily you are spoiling your health and are becoming weak.(hello look at my glowing cheeks) There is no need for you do it.” They declare it and walk off not even giving¬†me a chance to explain.
  3. Motivators: These are the people who kept motivating me ,whenever they saw the physical change.(A friend of mine went to the level of moving her lunch box away from me as she did not want my figure hugging dress to become tight. She had packed my favorite dish)
  4. Green Eyed Monsters: I prefer to call them this. Even when the physical evidence showed that I was looking good, they went on and on trying to pull me down from the cloud nine I was walking. Their standard dialogue was that I look ugly without my cheeks, I look like a skeleton so on and so forth, encroaching my personal space.
  5. Irritators: Well they think they are really funny trying to crack joke about my weight loss every time and¬†that too¬†in public forums. God they set my teeth on edge. I don’t mind being made fun of once in a while and though I have learnt to laugh with them at the jokes that are made at my expense…somewhere down the line when it embarks on being crude and tasteless…I felt like telling them,”GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!”¬†

Well in spite of the irritators, know it all ,the green eyed monsters I have with the help of motivators and genuinely concerned reduced weight. I have lost 10 kilos. The biggest motivator being ME. I wanted to feel and look good. As a side effect I have built my stamina , thanks to the Yoga.

It was not to achieve  a svelte figure( my hubby is not going to sweep me into his arms like the Indian heroes), it was an effort to stay healthy so that I can be independent for a very long time. Though it does feel gooooooooooood when I wear a Kurti or Jeans that showcases a toned body.

This is a salute for everyone out there who are struggling to reduce their weight and to my cousin who was my inspiration.

This is my weight loss saga and people who have a problem with that, “Go take a hike.”

ūüôā

Kavini

 

No More…

No more, she broke the chains of duty

That bound her struggling her spirit

No more, the chains of expectation

that lashed her fluttering spirit

No more, the compromises in name of love

that robbed her identify

No more, aiming at perfection for imperfect souls

Hands straining, head thrown back

 with a heave

she laid down the burden of demands

No more, she stood regally

bound me with love but not duty…..

Kavini

 

Fight

The pain ripped her apart

soul shredded to pieces

fragments too minute to put together

flickering hope snuffed

yet another search futile

pain radiating through every pore

anguish trickled tears

gathering her tattered soul

she yet again rose up

defying life as it yet again

tried to vanquish her

Kavini

My daughter …My mother

I see my mother when my thirteen year old darling girl without being prompted carries the heavier bag, leaving the smaller one for me when she knows I had a tough day at work. I glimpse my mother when she sings my favorite Krishna hymn when she senses that I am deeply troubled or disturbed. She becomes my mother when she teaches me the new technology or how to swim without¬†becoming¬†angry but with humor. We are friends when we drool over boys together but again she becomes the stern mother when she feels my taste in men is hopeless(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!How did I marry your father sweet heart;) ) The best part is when she comes to me saying , “mamma hug”, I realize however grown up she might become, she is still the sweet little midget I carried in my womb.

Kavini

A Movie

I like going to the cinema

stares my family at me-an enigma

I love the out of life heroes

who leave my heart  in a throe

sometimes wonder about the female lead

more of a decorative piece instead

feed me  with vendetta

the protagonist pouncing like a cheetah

feed me with romance

that floors you with a glance

feed me with tragedy

I will wallow in misery

feed me with comedy

I will forget my anxiety

the smell of melted butter on popcorn

I wait for the next movie forlorn

I am great fan

of movies in my short life span…..

Kavini

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walk Down the Memory Lane – II

Down memory lane 2Under the stars….a memorable evening with my friends.

Favors that made love to my taste buds, stimulating conversation with old friends who are not that old and a great place where the waiters were neither harried nor hurried you along, with the olden goldies oozing out though the discreetly placed speakers that seduced my very soul. Is it too much to say that I found myself traversing back in time to my college days where all I had worry about was my grades.

Don’t worry I am not going to get teary or nostalgic, but narrate an incident that had my friends doubling with laughter while we were at college(it made me grit my teeth with frustration then….but now my lips curve on their own..)

I was doing my post graduation in a prestigious college in Chennai. My friend and myself were the official “court dancers “of our department; be it any function or seminar or workshop it always ended with one of our performances.

It was Christmas eve and we toiled over a piece of music , narrating the birth of Jesus through our dance. We had the audience enthralled with our movements which painted a better picture than words. The suffering of Jews,¬†Joseph and Mary fleeing, finally the grand finale; the stars had guided us to the holy place and we had to kneel in front of the manger. The spectators were enthralled, every one holding their breath…….

And we knelt down, raised our hands in surrender and alas looked into the eyes of THE BOSS, as we all used to call him in college. He was not the Casanova nor the hero but his eyes danced with devilry and merriment all the time. He was the guy we turned to if there was problem, the guy even the lecturers listened to. We knelt down right in front of  him, with an earnest face waiting to be blessed by our master, the Lord and he rose to the occasion beautifully. He, the one who I call THE BOSS, lifted his right hand and blessed us both breaking the magic by which we had ensnared our audience. The entire gathering burst out laughing. The beautiful saga that we had enacted was turned into a fiasco just by that one action of his. Though I felt like throttling him, I grinned instead and took my bows, though the twitter of laughter took a long time to die down.

When I reflect on that incident, I peruse the incident and realized that, I remember it still because of that one action of his(blessing), which had the entire department laughing. I do not remember the other dances that we performed save this. I realized that sometimes in life the fiascos stay close to your heart than the hits.

I gain smile at the picture that is engraved in my heart, two girls with earnest expression leaning down in front of this guy whose eyes are twinkling with merry and lips curved with the devil-may-care attitude, blessing us.

Than you BOSS for this golden memory…

Kavini

 

 

Soar high

I yearn to soar high

invisible bonds of love

shackle me to duty

Kavini

WHO AM I?

The sky lightened

the vastness engulfed me

Passion burned my soul

searing my being

dredged through my soul

to find answers

that plague me

Am I the desire or hope

Am the thought or reasoning

am I the drop in the ocean

who am I?Who am I

Kavini

 

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