Meandering thoughts………..



A Call from beyond the grave….

I was startled out of my reprieve when I heard my father answering the phone. With happiness and pain I listened to the conversation he had with my brother. What an oxymoron!!!!!!!!!

My heart swelled with pain and my eyes brimmed over with tears, which ran down my cheeks to find solace somewhere. Be still my heart  and focus my darting eyes that are in search for him who is no more. 

My daughter hugged me while I cried over the recording of my dad’s conversation with my brother. 

An accidental recording, an accidental discovery threw light on my apparent attempts at coping with the loss.



The breathe struggled

not wanting to make the journey

back to the tortured soul

imprisoned within the brittle bones

loved ones circling around

breath rushes in and out

listening to the lamentation

listening to the irritation

listening to the laughter

listening to the silence

free me

discuss not how I existed

share how I lived




The temple of learning,
the gates breached

the garden of fun,became the burial ground

to settle  down scores ,the innocence massacred

Their books never to be read,the toys never to be played with

the hands that would never hug, would never work

words  never to be articulated, to rage nor comfort

boys will never become men,girls never to become women

innocence frozen in death

dreams snuffed at the hands of men who have lost their soul

the blood rushed out to witness the heartless attack of barren men

one more number to be engraved , the survivors carrying the cross

paid the price for naught things they did

the thirst of blood was paid in full by innocence

west winds bear witness to massacre

the lofty heavens bear witness to their sacrifice

men with soul bear witness to this macabre crime

rise as a tidal wave to wash out soulless beings that exist…



Googd byeThe sun kissed the dew

the birds chirped a melody

welcoming dawn

alas I will never see another dawn

The hands that held the rifle

to safeguard my mother

will never comfort my daughter

The eyes that scanned 

the landscape for enemies

will never light up with pleasure

at the sight of loved ones

The life blood that coursed through

pays homage to my mother

at her feet

her very being that I fought for

The heart that loved you mother

will beat no more

Every breath for you

and the last too

no more would I salute the tricolour

on the way to my final journey

draped in it….



soulHe is waiting

passively he stood

to step in….to reap the soul,

enveloped with love

every smile is borrowed

every word is counted

every hug is monitored.

The bony arm -stay away

do not touch my loved one

foul breath do not waft in

to pollute the living essence,

hold on my loved one

you are on borrowed time

he is out there

standing patiently , dispassionately

to reap you in.




I over heard someone,”I do not know what to say when I attend a funeral.What do I say to the family?  I cannot talk to them about their loved one who is no more,  can I?”

Many of us have this fear of facing the loved ones of the deceased . What do we tell them? What do we ask them? Do we talk about the soul that has departed? By doing so are we going to hurt them more? By not talking  are we not hurting them more? what is right?

Or are we so caught up in our grief that we are not ready to deal with the grief that overwhelms us when we are talking about the individual who is no more among us?

I was stumped when I met the brother of a friend who passed away a couple of years back. I felt very  uncomfortable. During the funeral we did not talk  much. After a few months he had come to my place for a get together.

I was confused. Do I avoid talking about his sister who played a major role in our lives? Could I ignore the major part in our lives? If I am going to talk about her is he going to break down? If I do not talk about her will I be an insensitive fool?

After a few awkward moments while I served him some snacks that I had prepared at home, I berated myself.That was a recipe that was taught to be by his sister.I swallowed the lump in my throat and blurted out ,You know your sister taught me to make this dish.” A range emotions slashed across his face: disbelief, anger, pain and finally tears. 

It was like a floodgate had opened. Both of us began to talk about her, recalling all the good times and bad times. We realised that though she was not there among us physically, through the memories we could keep her alive.

 The more we spoke about her the more our hearts became lighter and the feeling that though she was not there with us, she was not forgotten.The slow process of healing had started for the both of us.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you meet a bereaved person, talk to them about one positive thing that you can recall about the person whom they have lost. You will find that  you have lent a helping hand to them. You are helping them to heal.














The battered soul shivered

the night was silent

the smile had withered

the warring emotions within were violent

adieuthe darkness slithered

Caressing the once smooth cheeks

that were nothing but ridges now

the curtains rustled

the dry leaves crackled and fluttered

the darkness slithered out

bearing the tortured soul with it

Adieu my friend!!!!!!!

When death comes knocking at your door sometimes you are prepared and sometimes you are not. Many of us would have faced the loss of a loved ones in our lives.

We always assume that we have enough time with the near and dear ones.Everything is taken for granted. Sadly that is not the case a I realised in my life.

Death stole a very dear friend of mine within a blink of an eye. I always took time for granted and thought there was always enough time to catch up him till life gave me a rude shock.

No more can I listen to his deep voice sing to me the Kishore Kumar melodies, no more can I hear him laugh with his wife, no more can I hear his voice filled with concern for me, no more can I see him or feel him.

How many phone calls that were never made,how many visits that were never planned, how many letters that were not written, how many missed opportunities? The list is endless.

Many a times I have postponed talking to a friend or a family member thinking that there is time for it later, alas now I am reaping the effects for that foolishness. Sometimes we are so caught up in the rules that the society enforces that we fail to ask ourselves whether the rules are still helping in the smooth functioning of us as a society or is it outdated.

Enduring the knowledge that I can never see him, never hear his voice,never share my dreams with him or never hear his ambitions is a cross that I have to bear. Spending time with our friends and families has to be one of the top priorities in life.

Adieu my friend, I will miss your presence in my life.


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